Love/Hate relationships

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Love/Hate relationships

Written June 10, 2013 12:48am

Love/Hate relationships
Written 1 hour ago
I wanted boobs until I actually got them. I remember the day that I learned they weren't all they were cracked up to be. I equate my boobs showing up overnight when I was around 11 to the first time I can remember my Dad ever telling me no ( and be serious about it!) Imagine my shock and horror!

I remember that day very clearly. My mom took me to Target to pick out a bathing suit. I was half joking about the Gitano two piece I really wanted and just about died when my mom let me get it. I brought it home and immediately put it on. I don't think I had one foot out of my bedroom before I heard my Dad yell (yes, yell) that I needed to take it off because it was going back to the store. I didn't understand. The top was too small he said. I said I will just get a bigger size. He said "Nope, that one will be too small too". On our drive back to Target my mom explained that I was better off just getting a one piece. I didn't understand that I was entering the realm of training bras. All I know is that I didn't like it one bit. My Dad doesn't ever tell goes against everything he stands for.

Don't get me wrong, if I was flat chested I would want bigger ones. If they were too big I would want smaller ones. The grass is always greener and we will always find something wrong with the ones we got. Yet after all the trials and tribulations, I still can't imagine life without them. Even if I knew that this would be the outcome, would I choose to go through life flat chested if that would change the end result? Probably not (Yes, these are the thoughts that dance through my mind as my legs are dancing in my sheets and I can't sleep). I hate when my mind goes down the "what if" path". It's like a really screwed up version of "Choose Your Own Adventure", except I can't go back and pretend I didn't actually read page 34 and pick the other option instead.

I am a complicated recipe. I am the person I am today because of all the ingredients added along the way. You substitute even one pinch..and it can completely alter the outcome. I like who I am and I love the people in my life. Sure I would love a happy path with no issues, no stress but that's not realistic. Plus I am pretty sure that would turn me into a real asshole.

So this journal update has no purpose whatsoever and I can't remember why I started it in the first place. :)

I go in tomorrow for blood work and fingers are crossed that my white cells represent and don't wimp out like the last time around. My son's graduation from basic training is on the 21st and I am going...I would just prefer that it isn't in a bubble.

Thanks for listening!


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