A long journey

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A long journey

As bad as my memory has become I can still remember the day this all started. I was outside with my kids and all of a sudden this weird sensation started from my chest and would rush up to my head. kind of like that feeling you get when you get frightened. my head felt heavy, full, foggy, just weird. this sensation kept happening every few mins. I was scared. ive always dealt with anxiety but never like this. I decided to go to the clinic. there they told me I had a viral infection and in 7-10 days id be ok. I went home and slept. I felt off balance, I felt hot, I felt woozy, like my brain was a blob. when i layed down it felt like i was on a tiny raft in the ocean. so strange. i just wanted the 10 days to pass and be myself again.
Well 10 days passed and i felt the same. i had zero energy, i was scared out of my mind. my eyes were so sensitive to the light, i felt strange laying down and even more strange walking. it was like being inside a slow groggy dream. so i decided to go to my regular doctor. she did a urine test and some blood work and i just had to wait. i had been diagnosed in the past with graves disease (thyroid condition) due to a pregnancy, so i assumed that is prob what it was. well my blood work was normal. my doctor ran some more tests and put me on b-12 shots. ive always been a lot underweight, i am a smoker and soon hopefully will be quitting. i am not the best healthy eater but i def do eat a lot. well the b-12 did not work. my doc then suggested CFS and anxiety and panic disorder. i had never heard of CiFS and def didn't take her serious. if anything the anxiety sounded right because in my past i had dealt with it and i was in a not so great relationship. maybe i just needed to change my life a little bit. so i ended my relationship, distressed, tried to eat better, sleep better, did a lot of research on anxiety and whatever it said i did. no change. i went back to my doc because i just couldn't grasp that something could give u symptoms 24 hours a day for no reason. it wasn't logical to me. ppl with anxiety lead a great life. i always have. certain things would trigger it but nothing major and it always passed. so what was it?? she again ran some tests and brought up CFS.
For a while i didn't go back to her. my tests were normal, i still felt terrible and it was really started to take over my whole life. i am a mom, i cant live like this. thankfully my mother was my right hand man who basically took over my job. i spent hours on end at night time searching the internet just determined to find an answer. there had to be one. if anything it scared me more. the things the internet say you can have is crazy! but on a positive note i learned everything there is to know about the human body, especially my own body.
After a while i had some what gotten my life in order. my symptoms basically were constant but i was getting used to them. i enrolled in massage school and was really excited. i learned a lot about health and nutrition and meditation and trigger points and massage etc. but that all came crashing down. my symptoms all of a sudden were getting worse. i don't know if it had to do with my anxiety or when i was driving but i do know other things make my symptoms amplify a lot immediately. sometimes i wouldn't have to be doing anything and it would happen. so traveling to school was no longer an option. these attacks were becoming more and more. i didn't want to be around anyone and i certainly didn't want to drive anywhere. this is were my life changed the most. i stopped leaving my house. i didn't leave my house for a year. i barely saw people. i didn't even want to be around my family and children who lived in my own home..i slept basically all day because when i was sleeping i didn't feel the symptoms. my life was terrible. there was no way i could see my doctor anymore who was in another town so i switched doctors to someone who was just 5 mins from my house.
After a year of being in my house, going to my new doctors was a huge thing. that day i drove myself while my family and close friends sat at my house just as anxious as i was. i was scared, i was shaking, my symptoms were in full affect. but i knew this was a new beginning. if anything this doctor could start from scratch and maybe have some new outlooks on what this could be. we started with blood work, which of course was normal. i liked him because i had done so much research that anything i suggested he was always willing to look into it or do some tests. whether it was for him or just to ease my own worries it was nice of him to really listen to me. i had ultrasounds, mri's, heart tests, cat scans, xrays, etc. all normal. basically i was the healthiest/sickest person out there. i mean it eases your fears but still what is wrong with me????
My life was no better, i still barely left my house and when i did i couldn't be a passenger in a car or even have someone in a car with me. my anxiety was just too high and i was just so used to being alone. i had also become really sensitive to light so always had sunglasses on even at night. they helped a lot but also i think it was like a security thing for me too. i became heat intolerant which sucked because i was a sun bunny. at this time it was summer, i live on the beach and yet my symptoms intensify in the heat so i couldn't even enjoy summer. my kids didn't have their mommy. that has always been the worst. all they saw was mommy sleep. i couldn't play with them anymore, take them swimming, take them anywhere for that matter. i felt guilty. what was i to do.
A year passes and my life is just a routine. Ive gotten out more, my social life is much better. my kids see the old mommy a little more now. life is getting better. the symptoms are constant but once again im just used to them. i know what triggers it to make it worse, i know ive had to alter my lifestyle to suit this illness and ive dealt with it. Not many ppl know what has been going on and the family or friends ive tried to explain don't seem to get it. for the most part ive not said a word. they don't see my symptoms so basically ppl think im lying or maybe its not so severe. its all in my head right? mind over matter. its not that easy. if you have never felt this way you wont ever understand. ive learned a lot about my body, myself in general. i do think positive, i do try and be stronger than "it", and i just live my life.
This June it will be 5 years. i honestly don't remember what its like to not feel any of this. my memory sucks, im always tired, my balance is off, i have vertigo at times, my eyes are still sensitive, i still have anxiety, im still heat intolerant, my heart palpitates, i have random aches and pains, tingling in my head, face, hands, legs, etc. all day everyday basically. I still research all the time, i still hope to find an answer. But life is good. I got married 6 months ago to an amazing man who FULLY understands all this and does so much. I can even let him drive the car and i can be the passenger. i am def more active and soon will be quitting smoking with my husband and being more healthy and active. i am way more open to talking to ppl about it all and enjoy sharing my story and hearing others so i don't feel so alone. life is what i make it and im gonna make it a good one.


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14 years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. After being totally disabled, I have now been out of pain and off meds for the past 13 years. I have no pain, good energy, the anxiety went away, and my sleep is good without medications. My brain fog also lifted to the point that I retrained as a nutritional consultant. I didn't happen over night, but it did happen. I did it by balancing my hormones, initially balancing brain chemistry (dopamine and norepinephrine were low, not just serotonin), cleaning up my diet, and clearing some toxins, which is likely something you won't hear in your doctor's offices. I have been working for the past 13 years to help others in their recoveries. I want people to get well. Don't accept the word "incurable." Keep fighting for restored health. If I can get well, why can't others. I want to encourage each of you with fibromyalgia. I understand what you are going through. I have been there. I believe hormonal imbalances are a huge part of our symptoms. It is not just estrogen, progesterone or testosterone. It can be cortisol and DHEA. These hormones can be tested. Rheumatologists and patients typically don't understand the symptoms of hormonal imbalance. I want to help change that. The technology is in the here and now to identify and correct hormonal imbalance. I challenge You to do a little research to see if you have symptoms of hormonal imbalance. If you have many of these symptoms, study to find out how to identify and correct imbalances. Here are two good websites. www.diagnostechs.com www.zrtlab.com Here is a hug to each of you. I want you to feel well again. Patricia Stephens, Certified Nutritional Consultant

Apr 12, 2013 - 11:02 PM by Patricia S

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